bookmark_borderI’m not that much of a celebrity – 1

If I was Ray Liotta, every time one of my friends did something that I didn’t like, or made a humorous wisecrack at my expense, I would good-naturedly punch my right fist into my left palm and say “Why I LI-oughta!..” like in an old gangster movie.

I’m just saying that if I was Ray Liotta, Ray Liotta would probably not have as many friends.

bookmark_borderThe clicking is deafening!

I’ve been updating my Link Din stuff.

Every interaction with someone causes Link Din to automatically prompt you to send a thank you message.

Thing is, I’m the kind of person who does that anyway. Doing stuff on Link Din feels like when your mom told you to do something polite that you were already doing, and you thought “Geez Mom! How rude do you think I am?”

If they actually want this stuff to mean anything, they should make the default messages really rude. That way, you’d have to actually go in and change them to something you really mean. You’d have to actually BE polite, instead of having a chunk of code pretend you are.

And if you just clicked and sent the default, someone would get a message that says “I don’t need your endorsement, you ugly turnip-interfering squat!” and immediately know that the person sent it automatically.

This would also make it easier to be polite, because there are a limited number of ways to say “Thanks for endorsing my ability to sex walruses*” or whatever it is you do. If the computer types that for you, and you don’t even read it, just click “OK” then really the message you are sending is “Can not be arsed.”

Even typing out the most rudimentary “THX 4 the Ndorsnt” shows more engagement than clicking on one of the three words in Link Din messenger.

If you don’t think about it, there’s no difference between being rude and being polite.

(PS HIRE ME KTHX)

*not as rude a sentence as it looks.

bookmark_borderExcerpt from “The Future and History of netdud”

Buns
Don’t leave home without them

” Once again, netdud found himself transported back in time.  This time it was the medieval times or whatever.  People were all like, “Yo dawg, you’re a demon and stuff!” and one really big knight guy rushed at him, pulling his halberd from its sheath and brandishing it all menacingly and looking really tough.

netdud  pointed at the sky and said “Holy crap dude, is that a biplane?”

The knight dude was all like “I’m not falling for that!  Planes haven’t even been invented, so I don’t know what they are!”  But while he was talking, netdud punched him really super hard and knocked him out.

“People of Medievalia!  I am from the future and you should make me your king!  Because BEHOLD!” netdud bellowed, and from inside his coat took out a bag of hotdog buns.

“Notice how the buns are all still connected, yet they are all sliced!  EVEN THE ONES IN THE MIDDLE!”

“That’s freaking neat! ”  The peasants all yelled “But that still doesn’t make you not a demon!”

“No, I’m a nice guy!”  said netdud “Here!  Watch!”

And with that, he grabbed a passing minstrel’s lute and played “Eruption”  perfectly, note-for-note, including the kinda screw-up stumbly thing in the tapping part.

“You’re right–you’re awesome!” everyone yelled and made netdud the king.

netdud thought to himself “Man, all those people who made fun of me for learning how to be a wicked lute player and always carrying a bag of hotdog buns can suck it!”

 

bookmark_borderSomething about getting a “charge” out of this

See what I did there?
Ha!

Most big batteries (like the batteries in laptops and tools and phones) are actually just a bunch of smaller battery cells wired together.

It would be very useful, and a lot less wasteful, if there were a set of standard battery cell configurations that rechargeable batteries could be built out of, and batteries were built so that you could swap out bad cells.

  • You’d be able to replace only the cells that went bad in a given battery or device, not have to waste the whole piece, or chuck it in a landfill.
  • It  would probably make designing things easier.
  • It would mean more standard parts could be used, which would make things easier to repair
  • Standard parts can be made in higher volume, which means lower pricing
  • Chargers would be more likely to work with multiple devices

Unfortunately, all of this would mean that companies would sell fewer proprietary things over and over, and consumers would have to learn how to do stuff, so it’s probably not going to happen.

But this is still a cool example of how to make the idea work despite everyone’s best attempts to the contrary. (link via Hack a Day)

 

bookmark_borderThe netdud Smashing Disaster!

Bumped into the nice folks from Mississippi River Distilling, who make, among other things, River Baron Artisan Spirit.  I bought a bottle, because I am an early adopter of beverage innovations.  You can read all about the liquour on their page.  It’s quite interesting on its own, but opens a lot of interesting doors for new cocktailery.  I present now my first successful mixological effort with this new spirit.

Skol, y'all!
Fourth one takes a while going down

The netdud Smashing Disaster
1 part River Baron Artisanal Spirit
3 parts gin
a few drops of good peaty Scotch
Lemon zest

The first two ingredients should be cold.  You can shake them up quickly with some ice, or if you have some liquid nitrogen, kinda wave that around a bit.  Bruise the zest lightly, throw it in a footed glass, pour in the cold stuff, and then artfully drop in the Scotch.  Swirl, serve, repeat.

bookmark_borderA TV workout that works!

Comic from Falling FiftthI just read this article on the always entertaining and informative Consumerist site, in which three exercise toys advertised on TV are shown to suck.

I now introduce to you, the discerning physical mess, The netdud TV Workout Method.

This workout method combines the best effects of ALL THREE of the workout products reviewed at the link above. I highly recommend that you get yourself a block of Gruyere to gnaw and read through the article and watch the video before you continue with this, or any other workout routine.

 

The netdud TV Workout Method

  • Prepare 16 pints of Irish Coffee
  • Put on your skates (sold separately)
  • Move to the couch
  • Watch TV at the highest volume you can stand (beginners!  Be careful here!)
  • Drink 16 pints of Irish Coffee. This keeps you jiggling, just like the Rhythm Rocker.
  • If anyone tries to take the remote, you punch them, and the alcohol in your system provides the much-needed resistance that makes your muscles work harder.  TO AVOID INJURY, REMEMBER TO MAINTAIN PROPER FORM HERE! 
  • You’ll need to run to the bathroom about every 15 minutes.  Doing so  in skates while hammered and coffeed up will strengthen your core and train your balance. PLUS those regular standing/running breaks will help fight off deep-vein thrombosis.

You are welcome world. You are welcome.

bookmark_borderThe Internets

Ceci n'est pas du bacon

As Thoreau insisted, the Internets is indeed an information super-highway.

 

And if you are in a wreck by the side of that highway, your vehicle shattered, your body broken, your hope in ruins, and you stand waving your arms and asking for aid, you can count on a constant stream of people to come to a stop beside you, roll down their window, tell you that their vehicle is working just fine, and then drive on.

 

bookmark_borderLeftover rules.

…or is that “Leftover rules?”  As with life itself, where you put the stress only makes a difference to you.

But enough of that clever stuff.  Here is a list I posted as Facebook statuses a while ago.  I post them here as rules which are effective immediately. Your unquestioning compliance is appreciated.

1) No-one may run along beside a sporting event while wearing a Speedo.

2) Joe Walsh is not allowed to chew gum or speak

3) Anyone else chewing gum may be derided with the phrase “Nice one, JOE WALSH!”

4) Anyone who makes a statement like “You’ll be missing this [uncomfortable weather] when it’s [different uncomfortable weather]” may be poked in the eye, and then told “You’ll miss that eye poke when I punch you in the stomach.”

5) In order to use the term “epic” as an adjective, you must be able to prove that you have actually read an epic, and understand the difference between “epic” and “big.”

6) You are no longer allowed to use the phrase “Support local…” only in contexts where it replaces “Pay ME for…”

7) Anyone claiming to “Accept” a decision over which he had no control, in an attempt to give the impression that he was involved in the decision, may be openly mocked.

8 ) “No more random quotes without context”

– netdud

9) Ad copy does not equal press release. Ad copy does not equal news story

10) If you have to be drunk and NOT in the presence of a [gender/race/belief} in order to reveal your deep insights about that [gender/race/belief], you have to shut the hell up instead.


Spam Sez “Your Debts Could Make You Rich!”

bookmark_borderThe conversation ends here.

“You’ll never guess what I found in my ear!”

“Well, it’s really more a of MUSIC COLLECTIVE than a band…”

“I’ve always been a songwriter.  I mean, I write lyrics.  I just need someone to write the music for them.”

“This tastes JUST LIKE [meat], but it’s made from [not meat]!”

“How do you know you don’t like Renn Faiirres if you haven’t been to one?”

“…but I mean, animals would kill US if they had the chance…”

“Oh!  I think he needs changing!  Would you like to hold him before I take him?”

“You know, a lot of people prefer Coke, but with a good Scotch, I prefer…”

“Did you see what the judges did on [reality show] this week?”

“Let me show you my new phone!”

“You know computers right?  Mine’s running real slow, even after I took the anti-virus off it…”

“People like you always…”

“I’ve always been a lot more sexual than most people…”

“Seriously, it tastes EXACTLY like chocolate!”

“I just started selling [XXXX]. Have you ever thought about [XXXX]?”

“There are over [huge number] people using [product]–do you really want to be left out?”

“My favourite light beer is…”

“It was awesome!  We were so [intoxicated] and we [did something that is only amusing when intoxicated]”

“I fixed this problem I had with my backswing…”

“How can you use [computer] when [thing I don’t care about involving computer]?”

“Bla bla bla Star Wars bla bla”

“Oh I know [famous person], we got high together a lot…”

“How can you eat that? It’s so bad for you!”

“Can you look at something? Every time I sit down…”

“I want to [do complicated thing] but I don’t want it to be complicated.”

“Let’s meet over breakfast–say, 7:30?”


Spam sez “Bras just right for you