Leftover rules.

…or is that “Leftover rules?”  As with life itself, where you put the stress only makes a difference to you.

But enough of that clever stuff.  Here is a list I posted as Facebook statuses a while ago.  I post them here as rules which are effective immediately. Your unquestioning compliance is appreciated.

1) No-one may run along beside a sporting event while wearing a Speedo.

2) Joe Walsh is not allowed to chew gum or speak

3) Anyone else chewing gum may be derided with the phrase “Nice one, JOE WALSH!”

4) Anyone who makes a statement like “You’ll be missing this [uncomfortable weather] when it’s [different uncomfortable weather]” may be poked in the eye, and then told “You’ll miss that eye poke when I punch you in the stomach.”

5) In order to use the term “epic” as an adjective, you must be able to prove that you have actually read an epic, and understand the difference between “epic” and “big.”

6) You are no longer allowed to use the phrase “Support local…” only in contexts where it replaces “Pay ME for…”

7) Anyone claiming to “Accept” a decision over which he had no control, in an attempt to give the impression that he was involved in the decision, may be openly mocked.

8 ) “No more random quotes without context”

– netdud

9) Ad copy does not equal press release. Ad copy does not equal news story

10) If you have to be drunk and NOT in the presence of a [gender/race/belief} in order to reveal your deep insights about that [gender/race/belief], you have to shut the hell up instead.

Spam Sez “Your Debts Could Make You Rich!”

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