– If someone says “Everyone tells me I’m really smart,” no-one thinks that person is really smart.
– When someone lists an approximate number of cables for sale, you can be sure that the cables are currently stored in a manner that looks like a snake mating ball.
– There is no such thing as “A couple beers.” Someone who has had two beers will say that they have had TWO BEERS. Only someone who has had more than two beers will say they have had “A couple beers.”
– Anyone who sells a new product based on how bad their previous product was is probably on the wrong track.
– There are about 14 useful types of software. They’ve all been around for a while. Finding a piece of software that does something that you have never seen before does not mean that it’s a new idea.
– The number is different, but the above also applies to things you think are funny when you are drunk.
– You can not hit anyone hard enough to change their mind. On the other hand, someone who knows how can easily hit you hard enough to shut you up.
– It’s always a mistake to wear clothes more interesting than you are.
– There are always people who are willing to hang around powerful people, under the mistaken belief that the powerful person will drop something worth picking up. Powerful people get that way by not dropping anything worth picking up. As a result, they are usually insulated by layers of dedicated, powerless people.
– No cell phone battery outlives a cell phone contract.
– There is nothing wrong with dolls or comic books. The people who have the biggest problem with them are the ones who get prickly if you don’t say “Action figure” or “graphic novel.”
– I’m in danger of paraphrasing George Carlin here, but “like new” is another way of saying “not new.”
– 50 miles is the minimum distance at which a murder must take place in order for it to appear on local television news AFTER a story about a dog that dances in costume.
– 3D will be a recurring fad until we don’t have to wear those stupid glasses.
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